you know sometimes in our lives we must come to terms with reality at some given point. since i first started dating i never really wanted anything but friendship love and a sense of being whole. i never really dated the bad girls, or the wild women. its odd i guess that i never dated just for the fun of it, isnt it? at some point i figured id eventualy find something close to what i was looking for and in that, would make it perfect. eventualy i did, and her name i cant even whisper anymore out of pure pain. from the moment i met her i couldnt breath. when i did it was only for her. if she looked at me i died, when she smiled i became frozen in time. the stuff dreams are made of is how it fealt for me. everyday i spent thinking of how wonderful she was. everday i thought of some new way i could make her happy, and make myself the same. i dont know exactly how it all went but in an instant my world was hit with a reality check, a radio edit. the next day i wake up and realize im living a few hundred miles away and wont see her again. the next few months were hard, and im suprised i took it as well as i did. we did talk online after thatm for awhile anyway. things seemed good within weeks she was engaged to be married, while im working two jobs and have no life. eventualy the talking on the internet became one or two phone calls every 6 months, and then nothing. you can assume i still havent found what it is im looking for, nor anything close. ive given up and yet still i havent realized im still young until today. its quite funny how life works, one day you get better and happy and realize you have your whole life infront of you, and as i always say, "lifes little details will always interupt your day". today i became happy in realizing i have my health and the rest of my life, im only 21! i watch a movie walk into my room and there it is, an instant message from her after over a year. at first, i wanted to cry. the next feeling was bittersweet. then i sat and thought for a second and it hit me, "why?". why is it that when you overcome something it comes back to haunt you? why when you get over someone do they appear back in the picture? why when you struggle so hard to get out and finaly do, something throws you back in, or in my case someone? am i doomed to feel this way? will i ever be happy? will i ever find someone who wont ruin my life as much as they can make it happy?